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I swear these are the most amazing things ever made.

I’m sitting in a hotel in Athens, GA, to see my family for the holidays.  It’s 12:30am in the morning.  I have just consumed 10 Fla-Vor-Ice bars at once and am seriously considering trying to sneak out on my sleeping wife and child to get more.  The convenience store on the first floor of the hotel has them already frozen, for ten cents a piece!

When I was a kid I would down these things like crazy.  I would sometimes get little cuts on my lips from sucking on too many of the plastic sleeves in a row, but I didn’t care.  Now, at 33 years old, I find myself browsing Reddit in the middle of the night, using a small kitchen knife to as-quietly-as-possible saw through the top of the sleeve so that my wife doesn’t hear it and berate me for being a frozen favored sugar water glutton.  I realized early that my initial process of going back to the refrigerator, sawing one open, and returning to my desk was stupidly inefficient, so I now have a paper towel spread on my desk with eight empty plastic sleeves and a kitchen knife on them.

I’m here for four more nights.  I wonder if you can get poisoned from too much sugar water?



  1. Amy Reavis says:

    You’ll just be bouncing off the walls by Christmas.

  2. A small price to pay.

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